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| really tired lately...
tired of not getting the results that i want
tired of wanting to do something a certain way, only having to follow what my heart tells me later on
tired of thinking that good things can happen w/ effort when in fact it's all pointless
tired of wishing for happiness when it's something that seems so far out of reach
just tired...
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| For some odd reason, I wanted to write something here. College has been so hard to adjust lately, and w/e reasons it may be, i seem to see myself confused and lost. The future seems so far yet so close, and it scares the hell out me. There are so many things that terrify me about the future. I'm scared I won't find a good job, I'm scared I wont earn enough money to get all the things I want for my family, and I'm scared that eventually all my efforts to do something would go down the drain.
I've been questioning so long if staying home for college was the right decision, and for this week, it has never felt so right. There are a lot of things that can be confusing, and can totally drive ya crazy, but somehow you know you have an answer already; somehow I already knew that in my heart staying home for college was one of the best decisions I made in my life. People may think that I'm very dependent on my parents, or there are those who say that I'm just staying in my confort zone. That may be true, but like i said, i know what is right for me, and this, like no other, feels SO right for me.
Meeting people in the city college life has been very hard, and this depresses me for some time. But then I realized something that i should've realized a long time ago, the friends and family that I still have are truly a gift to me. Honestly, I've never really appreciated these ppl as much as I do now. These people have been in my life for some time, and I knew of their importance, but I never really 100% appreciated them. I might not hang out w/ them when I dont feel like it, or i might not respond as quickly as i should when they're lookin for me, but then i realized these ppl are the ones who are keeping me grounded this far.
I feel so lost all the time b/c my transition from a child to adult is still an ongoing process, and w/o these ppl, honestly (i dont think im exaggerating as well) i don't think i would be sane. If it weren't for these ppl, i don't think i would still be able to smile, and w/o these ppl i prolly wouldnt see hope in the future. Even though im still having trouble in college, as long as these ppl are beside me, i'll be ok.
Thank you
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| Well, today is officially the last day of all classes for the fall term. and i have to say it has been one of the best experiences. although many who are at hunter say that it seems like high school all over, i just dun feel the same way. int he beginning, it was really rough. the amt of time i need in order to adjust to a new environment is long, but im glad i did. Although i didn't meet as many ppl as those who would be dorming would have met, im glad imet ppl who can make me laugh. The times we have during break, im glad i got to spend w/ u guys. this has been a great term <3
It makes me sad that im actually leaving the school. i fell in love w/ the school, prolly cuz it's close home, so it's not a hassle, but the ppl here are really nice. the vibe i get here is just simply awesome, and i just love it everytime i entered school. it's been a good 3 monthsssss
im scared of going to the new school, cuz i know how i am. i know im bad at adjusting, and im scared i wont have the same feeling that i got from hunter, but im willing to try. i was happy this term, and hopefully i will be in the next
blahsss..still have finals though..so i wish everyone GL!
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| i miss the days of the summer. been so long since i've wrote in here. but for some odd reason, i wanted to do it today. im in college already, but i always felt like im behind compared to everyone else. even if i knew wht i wanted to do, i dunno how to start. i dun even have work as of now, and i feel like a failure for not having one. but imma try as soon as possible to find work.
i really miss the days of the summer. i realized those were the days i treasured the most. If only i can go back. but that's aiites. thanksgiving is coming, very excited!!! =]
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| just gotta say, this has been the best summer of my life =] i loveee work, and i love the ppl i met, too bad i cant take pics =/ or else i would have a bunch of em right now! but even though summer's ending, imma treasure every moment!! ahh, my fish died =[ 5 yrsss | | |
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